24

I barely celebrate my birthday because every damn year I have this weird series of unfortunate events on my birthday week. True story. My dad’s birthday greeting for me this year was a low key warning for me not to get out of the house, lol. So I guess I’m one of ’em birthday bummers. I sulk and hide in the day, and then we go out to eat a fancy dinner. Balance (something I’m not really good at). But it’s all good!

This year, I’m 24. Just one year away from a quarter-life crisis… hurrah! *eye-roll* I want to say I’m another year wiser, but I don’t even think of me as wise in the first place, so let’s just stick to being another year older.

I’m looking back at my old birthday notes and it seems like old me (or younger me) has more things lined up for herself than I do now. More goals, more plans, things to achieve, and expectations to let her down. I’m proud of old me! A dreamer, she is. What a brave soul, taking risks and all that shit. Present me is just everywhere right now – she’s confused and sleepy and want to get things done, but again, she’s sleepy. And she’d rather order something she’s ordered before. Coward! HAHA. Don’t get me wrong, I would have only dreamed of being where I’m at a few years ago. And I think that’s the problem.

The past weeks I have been complacent but not really (??) I’ve been waiting for bad things to happen and they don’t. And then I get for realz sad. Like why? I should be god damn happy nothing bad’s happening. I keep looking for a loophole. Like universe, where’s the catch? And I finally get it. I’m the loophole! I’m way too in my head. I guess getting old means being able to recognize that most of the time, you’re your own problem. It ain’t all about that universe and luck and voodoo and shit. No matter how much you read about the stars and signs. And that, folks, might be the only grain of wisdom I gain this year! Loljk, fingers crossed I get more.

I guess what this long rambling just ends to is that – I trust the universe to get the ball to start rolling on my 24th year, but it’s me that keeps it rolling! Finally blowing the candle and wishing this year, I get to trust and believe in myself more than I do with the universe. It’s not her birthday, it’s mine!

Birthday girl,
Louise