Let’s run away

Written By Louise Ramos

Fight or flight has never really been a choice before. The answer has always been obvious.

✶

Constant things I draw includes the beach, sea view, mountains, getaways in general. A car every now and then. Because driving far away is a comfort my dad passed down to me. Every weekend from the ages of 0-7, we would go to my grandparents’ homes in the province. Leaving the city. The expressways were non-existent. We didn’t need it then. Driving was a joy. An event. Not a task.

“Lucky” was my dad’s green pickup’s name. A Mitsubishi. Embossed in bold big letters at the cargo bed cover. I liked saying that word as a kid. Mitsubishi. Like it was some sort spell. Maybe if I say it enough, it would indeed bring luck. He would speed us down the then trafficless roads; my cousin and I at the back, feeling the wind in our air, the unknowingly mad and reckless children we were. Cinematic. A core memory. So close to the infinite moment Charlie believes in.

Then my parents got their own place in the province. A place to settle down in. The pickup, sold. Replaced with a better suited family car, Miles, a sea-green Nissan. “Smiles Miles” was her full name. And Miles did run many many miles. My dad still worked in Manila, and daily, he would leave right at the same time we were picked up for school. He would be back home just an hour or two after we’re home, too. Like magic, really. I was too young to know it was actually effort. I’d only realize 10 years after when the sides would be switched. When I would be the one doing the exact same thing as they did. Looking forward to weekends on the road, every minute another kilometer close to being home.

I’m stuck in traffic as I think about all these. I type a little draft on my phone and consoled myself that in a max of two hours, I’ll finally be able to lie down in my own bed. And I’m just really thankful for all the road trips and vacations we had when we were younger – before I had to drive by myself. Now I think that my dad did those so he (and in turn, us, too) associate driving with those good days. And less with the fact that it was also just a daily thing he had to do. Like I, now. Again, a joy. An event. Not a task. But it also instilled in me this urge to run. To choose flight over fight.

Often when I have to go to the metro for work, or for events, or even just for fun and friends, I would always think how I’m the same number of hours away to the beach. Or the mountain. The perks of living in the middle of it all. Heck, it’s even faster for me to go to Subic than it is to Makati with the traffic conditions now. The not-so-silent voice in my head says maybe I should just run away. Somewhere farther. Adopt a cat along the road. Or three. Oh, what a sight it would be. Just a human and her passenger kitty princesses. She’s crazy but she’s free.

But my heart swings back and forth between familiarity and escape. The ricochet between the two, bad. Routine or running – I still don’t know which one I would miss more.

Fight or flight has never really been a choice before. The answer has always been obvious. Then it isn’t anymore.

Can’t run forever,
Louise

Side kwento kasi may nakasabay akong kotseng kuba pauwi: In elementary, I wanted to be a race car driver after watching Herbie: Fully Loaded. I jumped from dream to dream then. I don’t remember much of it, only in photos, but we had a Volkswagen Beetle when I was a toddler. Just like in the film. A secondhand one in a classic bright red. I haven’t driven manual in years but the only reason I learned how to is because I still dream of driving a Volks at high speed on a race track. Not as a profession anymore, ofc. Just as a bucket list thing. Seeing a kotseng kuba on the road always makes me giddy like a child. & maybe the traffic otw home was worth it.

Why it took this long for me to share Vacation Manor’s music, I don’t know. Can’t Run Forever and Thoughts in Progress are songs of theirs I play a lot when I draw. Below are runner-up songs for this art. It took me longer to choose than to type all these. All very very good ones I want to share and maybe draw when I have the time:

let’s run away - Sarah Kang, Orion Song, Patrick Hizon

I tend to choose flight over fight
‘Cause staying in place is hard sometimes

Over 85 - Hojean

Shit gets boring but I know
That I will be alright
'Cause I'm off in five

Vienna - Billy Joel

Slow down, you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be before your time

June things and quick links

Haven’t shared a random list in a while so this will be some kind of halo-halo. (Breaking news: DoJaeJung kumain ng halo-halo sa Pinas, thus, halo-halo living in my head for the next days.)

  • It started with just this hmp! Now, my feed (and gallery) has been consumed by these type of memes since then.

  • This was a few months back but I keep going back to it in my mail.

I’ve been thinking about the way, when someone knocks over a glass, the first thing we say is, be careful not to cut yourself as you pick up the pieces. The mess becomes an afterthought. What matters is that nobody gets hurt. And sometimes when the person in front of you…

Louise Ramos
Next

A cup of coffee. A love letter, maybe.