Do what you love
this is a closure to a past life i left behind. a quote i’ve been meaning to release only when i’m ready to. and i think i finally am.
long story short: new product is up on the shop. keychains. while i would love to just have them out, i am not the type of person to make things without letting it consume me first at one point. a blessing and a curse, really. so i, at least, have to put it out somewhere how these came to be.
(gawin naman nating worth it yung emotional damage ng life insecurity ko hahahaha)
this is inspired from what my dad used to always tell me. the first “real” job i had was the same as his, even in the same company – one he was able to do for more than 20 years. i wanted to be like him. so i did. i became an engineer. i liked it. enjoyed it even. it was easy. it was sure. it was practical. it was what i thought i always wanted.
then it hit me. crying in the shower on my birthday. a scene straight out of a movie. i just wanted to quit.
i was working multiple jobs then. my parents never knew what i was doing on the side until much later. i was convincing myself that i did all these other things because they made me happy. because i love doing them. but i also had to admit that they were back-ups.
i remember typing (and retyping, for months, a hundred times) a resignation letter in my phone. one addressed to my dad, not to my employer. i could easily file my resignation, but i couldn’t bare to tell my dad that i couldn’t be like him anymore.
when i finally did, he told me this.
we got to do what we love and we have to learn to love what we do. you’re lucky if you get to do the first one. luckier if you get yourself to find the balance through it all.
because doing what you love can be tiring too. work will always be work. you’re good at physics so you should know that it requires force. he always reminds me this. but having love makes it bearable. it keeps you going. no matter how difficult, no matter how exhausting.
and when work gets you tired. you learn to rest. you can quit, too, if you want to.
i’ve worked and i’ve quit multiple jobs since then. i even tried going back to construction. a rebound. it just never works out. i still don’t know what i dream of being. i’m not quite sure if i’ll ever have just one. but i like what i’m doing now. i hope i love it enough to stay. to keep doing.
what i am sure of is that i still want to be like my dad. in other ways, i already am. he wrote a poem to me when i was born, and maybe that is why i like to read and write. he gave me my first cassette player as a christmas gift, tells me i should read into alanis morissete’s lyrics, and maybe this is why i love sharing music. in this lifetime, i just want to be a good person. like him. i want to do what i love and love what i do.
love,
lui
(a name my dad calls me by)
