Vacance in September
Even if it’s not the beach
Walking on this night street when everyone’s asleep
Linking arms with you
Just walking makes me so happy
Vacance in September
Most of September has been everything but mediocre. There are a lot of days I know I would go back to because they genuinely made me happy. Or maybe just made me feel, in general. (Seeing ilichil - still a fever dream, a loved one calling about their engagement while I’m in the middle of a concert... ARE YOU FR FR?, bringing friends home, seeing my brother leave home, childhood friends filling in the spaces, a lot of “running into” people, an actual in-person ingress, drunk ugly crying, just really feeling this cathartic again !??!?) And yet, I’m convinced that I want to talk more about the average days I had in between instead. Maybe this is a way of keeping the good days all to myself. Let me, just for this short while.
This week, I drew scenes from my daily walks. Walking has been a constant thing I do when I don’t know what else to do. It’s a habit I picked up back in college – running either late in the evening or at the crack of dawn, when the acad oval is so silent that the only thing I can hear are my thoughts. Ironically, this is also one of the very few times my brain shuts itself down. The voices in my head aren’t as chaotic. We’re all just trying to catch our breathe with every step.
What I ask for in life has been simpler lately. Dull mornings, quiet afternoons. Hitting the snooze button twice. Maybe a quick summer rain every now and then. Supermarket drives. Short errands and getting to pick up coffee on the way home. Free cookies. Cat videos. Twitter links. Old pop songs ringing in my head long after I’m done working for the day. A funny Telegram sticker. Finding ice cream in the freezer. Eating said ice cream. Pastel-painted skies. Long walks. Very long walks.
While the month has been extraordinary, I find vacance in September with the ordinary things.
It’s been a while since I've gone away on a vacation, but this month feels so much like it. I used to book flights as a coping mechanism. Taking escapism a tad too literally. Some drink ‘til they blackout, I open Agoda and Traveloka. While I am still very much tempted to book a trip (by now, it’s a reflex), the rush of jumping from one place to another is less.
I just want to go home to a worn-in couch, hang by the porch, daisies on the table. Take a run at the end of the day. Bonus if I get to walk pets around. A house of my own. In this lifetime. That would be really nice.
I’m supposed to leave next month. But after a year, I, now, kind of like it here. Looking at rental spaces always end up with me checking rates for home loans instead. Like, it would be nice to go away. But I would like it too if I’d stay. Often, I wonder if I’m settling. But I’m convinced that I might just be content. I surely hope it is the latter.
Also convinced that I am now really old,
Louise
September things and quick links
your monthly subscription to sky photos. chos. sobrang dami kasing photos to dump from this month, igagatekeep ko muna sila kasi tinatamad ako ilipat sa pc sorryyy
I am re-reading the Percy Jackson books right now. We were such obsessed teenagers with it then, and somehow, I love it still.
Going feral over NYFW Jeno Lee. Like with a smile like that, who wouldn’t?? (really, smile ba talaga or — [gunshots])
“Ano Ba Yung Teenage Dirtbag” pod with the podparents sent in nostalgia! A feeling I always welcome.
This Dan Matutina x Bad Student interview. I admire them so!!
Sorn interview. I love reading and sharing interviews, if it still isn’t obvious with what I share monthly.
Screaming crying over BEAUTIFUL tattoo art. Like look at thisfrom Ze!! We were talking about getting one made by a local artist and maybe I really will set a date soon.
Old songs and even older songs – what pulled me through this month’s late nights.
Ending with another Enha-Jek-obsession update. Oo, crush ko pa rin siya. Month 4 na, watdahel. Nag-NCT concert naman na ko, bakit ganito?!?? [nagdabog] I used to believe that this hyper-fixation will leave sometime soon, but now I am accepting that it won’t be anytime soon.
